Pain is weakness leaving the body.

I am hurting. My ego is badly bruised. My left ankle swells readily. The tendon above my right heel aches constantly. And I’m still slow as hell. On Wednesday I joined my friend Mary for runs. Her route was 2.9 miles. Both of us were plugged in to our electronic devices with motivating music to move us along. Starting off we walked for a quick warm-up then we took off running. We rounded the corner after one block and completed a second one when my legs and lungs went, “No!” I stopped and walked. Mary was concerned but I waved her on telling her I’ll catch up with her; I just had to walk this out for a sec. She went on and little by little got farther and farther away. I had to stop and walk several times. It was as if my ass weighed a thousand pounds. Where in the world did that wagon with the half-ton of iron came from?

Thursday I got all gung-ho and went to the trail around the golf course close to my home to walk. A beautiful day preceded the pleasant early evening walk. That trail was so aesthetically pleasing I got carried away with the trees, ponds, squirrels and the course greens and walked four miles. My legs felt good, except for that damn tendon. I went home feeling like I accomplished something.

Friday I joined Mary again. Oh, why did I do that? This woman is a stunner, but she’s too modest to believe it. Add to that her encouraging words to me: “You look good girl! You’re doing great!” I’ve known her long enough to know that she meant that, not being the kind of person to blow smoke up someone’s butt. I appreciated it. But how do you stop feeling like crap anyway? You succeed. I’m not quite there yet. Yet.

Breathe, breathe, in through your nose out through your mouth I’m told again by my coach this Sunday morning. Yesterday I was on my own and though it rained I got out there. Walking and running on the trail again. Not so many other people out because of the rain. I wanted to focus on breathing and nothing else. My brain and body just won’t go there right now as if it’s an unnatural thing for me to do. Concentration wanes as my mind wanders. My thoughts are of my old self, the woman Marine who was lean, fit and could run for miles. Two miles later I got in my car and headed home. This morning when I got up at 6:30am I felt good. Grabbed a glass of water, took half a fortified oatmeal cookie (for fuel) and got my clothes and gear together. Bruni and I were meeting at 8am. Out the door at 7:15, I stopped for gasoline and got to our meeting place early and stretched until she arrived. We walked today. My coach needed to observe my breathing pattern. How did I feel? Am I feeling any pain. How are my legs today? Do my feet feel okay? "We really need to step things up. I want you running three miles non-stop before the end of next month."

Couch to 5k needs a review. Unlike that program—which is really great and helped me early on in this journey—I have to be out there on a daily basis. Just like back in my days in the Corps. Everyday, a run. Walk when you’re feeling pain until its gone and run some more. No pain, no gain! And pain is weakness leaving the body. My boyfriend once said playfully that he likes his coffee strong and Black like his women. I’m getting there baby. Slowly and surely I’m getting there.